How they kill me
2011 10 3
They put bloodly pictures in me, like worms crawling all over me, it was honestly a disaster, because in my life, i always thought that worms are something disgusting and dirsty, which i should never be mixed with.The thing that really amazed me is that how they built up all the pictures.Because they have to think carefully about evey bits of a picture, and the person who does this must be so into blood, and they must have experienced some kind of desperate things to do so, cuz they have seen every bits of cruel things, the insects, the intersecting surface of a snake, the bloody head, you could never imagine how much they have to suffer before me, and how long it takes for them to get use to these things then finally control them. They dont like animals, they could know all the process of killing an animal, they observe the surface, then they record it, aralyse it, and they conclude it, then figure out why it is cruel, then put into another people's head. Also, they use language, the spit, the insult, and they even understand exactly how i love somebody, and why i love them, then they find the leaks, and utilize the leaks, and use language in my head to make me feel desperate, because i was painful. I loved them, in different ways, so hard, its a trust built for years, i even wanted to make love with them. I want to feel the fire come from the touch of body, I want to feel the fullness, and i need satisfaction. But they found it out, and point the knife towards my desire, then they kill it, directly, for years. It feels like unbelievable, because i thought they love me,in the bottom of their heart, even if they wouldnt say it. But they thought they want to hug me and kiss me and want me, just like i do. Who knows, they suddenly start to insulting me, damage my fantasies. I dont want to hate them, because their love gave me so many memories. And i am still waiting for the day, they apologize, and say that we can continue your game, everything were just a joke, and the love is still there, its just a game. I still miss the dark light and the music, and the love and the possiibilites. I still want to fly, above everyone else, feel the pride and the confidence.
