Bird-of-paradise

Now, I just want to cry, but I know, I do not have right to do that. I do not want to do anything, anything! Who am I? What should I do? What can I do? What's the meaning of my life? Why am I alive still? I don't wanna think about these any more! Just go ahead!
What's happiness? What's sorrow? I don't know! I just know ,I'm unhappy very much, even maybe I never feel happy! How terrible! How sad!