Always got to pay your dues

Smoke outs and hook ups has always stayed with me like a shadow. Even at 3 a.m. in the morning, I can't be left with some peace. There really is no reason for me to pick this party stuff up again, but once you are in the circle, it will follow you through. Some people just don't know when to stop, I guess they just lack that simplist little respect for other people. God damn this is some gay bullshit. Weed doesn't even sound that appealing anymore, and hook ups are just a waste of energy and time. Man just need to pull through six more months, and i'll be free onto college. America has always been the heart of darkness for me, a jungle that peels your sanity down to shreds day by day. Feeling hollow is just a routine now. Spiritually deprived of everything, unmaking the human I used to be. This has been too much. Perhaps, I wasn't really a Gatsby, still up and running, but with a corrupted dream. and that....is all that really matters in life. Drugs was really a doorway. A door you shouldn't hav opened in life. It opens the perspective of life, and nothing looks and feels the same way again. Religion and drugs are probably the two things that we always seek but never get. Sometimes thinking back, I really question myself, really....would I pick the blue pill if I was given that choice again? Definitely, because the answer doesn't come with the red pill, only more questions and uncertainties. Truth afterall, is what you want your perception to believe. Life can become so fucked up and tangled, it's at a point where you just want to say WTF? and bring it to an end. The answer comes with death, and the answer is death. Hopefully, time...will do its job, afterall...everything fades...some time