My biggest fear is not winning another title. But fear is a great motivator. I'm determined to lead this organization back to the top. The people who once celebrated me are the same people who doubt me now. They say that because I don't have Shaq that I can't win, that it's over. The only thing I truly worry about is that my drive and my will are sometimes too much for my teammates to handle. Do I expect too much from them? How can I elevate them to play with my same passion every night?
What helps me understand and deal with this is the fact that I was once in their shoes. I once played a supporting role on this team. Back then I knew how much pressure Shaquille had on him to win a ring and I also knew I could help. So I studied the game offensively and especially defensively because I knew that if I could harass on the perimeter with him clogging the lane, it would demoralize our opponents more than anything we could do offensively.
I also knew that the teams he played on in the past did not have a closer. No one could take the game over down the stretch or hit the game winner or make the key free throws. Those were Shaq's weaknesses, so I had to step up and make them my strengths. I knew how much more I could bring to the battle, but that wasn't my role. I was a scorer who became a facilitator in order to win.
But now I worry because I know how hard that was for me to learn, how many sleepless nights I had and how much criticism and trade rumors I had to endure before I mastered my role. This is probably what my current teammates are going through. All I can do is pray that one day we will reach the same level of chemistry and understanding that existed between me, Shaq, Rick Fox, Derek Fisher, Robert Horry and all the other players I once went to war with.
The fears I have are soothed a little by the presence of Phil Jackson. Simply put: He is the best coach I have ever played for. Everything I have learned about the game can be traced to him and Tex Winter. They teach the game at such a deeper level than X's and O's. The game is a rhythm, a dance. Phil and Tex have taught me to feel the game. To think the game without thinking, to see without seeing. They taught me how to prepare. How to conceptualize the spirit of my opponents and attack them where they are weak.
I've seen how prepared PJ gets before games, and as the on-court leader he is trusting me to do the same. So I do all the things he has taught me to do before tipoff and once the ball is in the air my mind is at ease and my body is ready to play. I take it to the other team on both ends of the floor. I take pride in being able to do that. I HATE being scored on, even by players who some say are "un-guardable." I don't believe it when they say "Oh, that player is just hot today." F--- that! Cool his ass off then.
When we play on the road and the entire crowd is booing me it doesn't bother me at all. What I think about is simple: "When these fans leave this game I want them to remember how hard I fought and the passion and drive with which I played." I have always played this game with passion. And I always worked hard.
When I saw the movie Rudy I remember thinking, "What if I worked that hard?" God has blessed me both physically and intellectually to play this game, so what would happen if I push as hard as the character in this film? I would love for people to think of me as a talented overachiever. Even though those fans may chant "Kobe sucks" when they leave that arena I want them to walk out with a different feeling than they came in with. When they leave they'll leave with the understanding that they have just witnessed a player give himself completely to his passion; they have just watched an athlete pour every ounce of his heart and soul out on that floor.
And hopefully, when the next volume of my life is all said and done, they will respect and appreciate the years that I spent giving all of me to the game that means everything to me.
我最大的恐惧是不能再赢得一个冠军，但是恐惧同时也是一个极大的动力，我非常坚定的想要领导这支球队重回颠峰，现在质疑我的那些人正是曾经为我欢呼的球迷，他们说因为没有沙克我就无法取得胜利，这种说法可以停止了。我现在唯一担忧的是有时我的斗志和欲望太过旺盛以致连队友都难以接受，我对他们要求太高了吗？我怎样才能让他们每天晚上投入和我一样的激情到比赛中呢？
我曾经和他们一样，是一支球队的角色球员，过去我知道沙克为了赢得冠军承受着多大的压力，同时我也知道自己可以给他帮助，所以我努力学习进攻和防守技巧，特别是防守，因为我知道，防守比进攻对对手士气的打击更大。我同时知道沙克过去效力的球队从来都没有一个终结者，没有人可以在比赛临近结束的时候挺身而出投中致胜球或者命中关键的罚篮，这些都是沙克的弱点，所以我必须让它们成为我的长处，我知道自己可以做得更多，但那不是我的角色，我是一个为了胜利存在的得分手。
我为了理解这个角色耗费了无数精力和时间，所以我能够理解队友们现在的困境，我能做的只有祈祷有一天我们可以互相理解，并肩战斗，就像过去我，沙克，里克·福克斯，德里克 ·费舍尔，罗伯特·霍里等等曾经并肩战斗一样。
因为菲尔·杰克逊的存在我的恐惧稍稍缓解了一些，他毫无疑问是我遇到过的最好的教练，我对这项运动所有的理解都可以归溯到他和温特的淳淳教诲。比赛是一种节奏，他们教我用心感受比赛，教我如何准备，如何攻击对手的弱点。关于如何准备比赛，PJ 同样是一个良师。我憎恨别人从我身上拿分，即使是那些被誉为“无法防守”的球员，我不相信那些所谓的什么“这个球员今天手很热”，我就是要把你防死。
打客场的时候，所有的球迷都在嘘我，但是我所想的相当简单：“当这些球迷离开球场的时候，我希望他们记住我打球有多么认真，努力，充满激情。”我对这项运动一直都充满热情，我永远都会全力以赴，希望在我人生的下一段篇章告一段落时，人们会尊重并且能够欣赏我的职业生涯，因为我总是全身心的投入这项运动，因为她对我来说意味着一切。
